I Just Wanted Some Candy
by RCA7
Summary: If Crono could speak, he'd be a very mean guy. This story is how the trial would have happened if this were true. One shot. Rated T for language.


**I JUST WANTED SOME CANDY  
**A Chrono Trigger Fan Fiction by Worm0007  
**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Chrono Trigger.

* * *

Crono stood before the court. "_I'm completely screwed_," he thought. He took a moment to stare at the jury. "_They don't look too mean…_" Waiting around for the trial to start was so very boring. "_I don't even know how I got here. I mean, I just wanted some candy. I went to the fair because I wanted some candy. Then this girl starts following me around and she wouldn't shut the hell up. This is in no way my fault._"

The Chancellor appeared and began the trial. "We are gathered here today…"

"This isn't a wedding!" Crono shouted. Everyone in the court room gasped. He looked around. "What?" he said, "I'm already gonna be guilty, why bother lying about the good person I'm not?"

The Chancellor cleared his throat. "Yes, well. You! You kidnapped the princess! You did not bring her back even after knowing she was the princess! Her fortune must have tempted a delinquent such as you. Did her fortune tempt you, Crono?"

Crono sighed, "I really just wanted some candy."

"Lies! You're a very poor peasant! Her fortune must have tempted you! Was it witchcraft? Did you use witchcraft to draw the attention of the princess? I don't believe she would talk to you of her own accord! Did you use witchcraft, Crono?"

"You know, maybe she just wanted some candy, too. I did have my money out. I had my candy-face on. I was running towards the candy counter and she came out of nowhere. Can I have some candy now?" Crono said in one breath.

"Lies!" the Chancellor shouted. "You must be a witch or a warlock or what have you! Just look at your awfully unkempt hair! TIME FOR THE WITNESSES!"

Crono burped and immediately apologized, "I'm sorry. I really don't know where that came from. Usually candy makes me burp, but God forbid I ever get my hands on any."

The Chancellor pranced across the court room and dragged a little girl in by her hair. Yes, by her hair. Why? He's an evil spider-demon thing. More on that later (never). "You!" he shouted, "Little girl! Tell me what an awful man he is! Did he hit you? Did he touch your no-no place?"

The little girl stuttered for a bit, "Um…well, no. See, I lost my cat while I was at the fair. I had gone to get some candy--"

"OH MY GOD," Crono screamed.

"—and he was gone when I came back. This man here brought him back." She approached Crono. "Thank you, sir! You brought me back my kitty."

"Yeah, whatever," Crono said. "Can I have candy now?"

"MOVING ON!" the Chancellor shouted. Once more he pranced across the court room and dragged an old man in by his eyebrows. "You! You were planning on having lunch at the fair, weren't you? It was gone when you returned, though! Did this man here eat it?"

"I suppose so," the old man began, "he was the only one around. I only left my lunch for a minute to go get some candy—"

"JESUS, KILL ME NOW!" Crono shouted.

"—and when I came back, it was gone! This man was standing there with my napkin hanging from his mouth! What a heathen!" the old man barked. He walked out of the court room angrily, smacking Crono on the head with his cane as he did so.

"I ain't got no idea what he's trippin' about," Crono said.

The Chancellor cleared his throat. "Obviously this does not bode well for your character! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

The Chancellor stared directly in Crono's eyes for a whole ten seconds before he answered. "I am going to shit some serious apes if I do not get any candy soon."

"WRONG ANSWER!" the Chancellor shouted. "Let's bring the little girl and the old man back in! COME, I SUMMON YOU!" The little girl waddled in with the old man not too far behind her. "I want you to look at them, Crono. Look at them and tell me you do not feel bad for ruining their lives."

The little girl raised her hand, "Yeah, he brought back my cat. I'm pretty happy—"

"Yeah. I'm gonna need that cat back, bitch. I didn't want to spend my money on candy. I was hoping I could use him to barter or something."

"What did you just call the witness?" a member of the jury asked.

…Silence.

"Yeah, I'm totally kidding," Crono said, "I REALLY JUST WANT TO EAT IT LIKE I ATE THAT OLD MAN'S LUNCH!" Everyone stood in silence. Even the crickets were watching intently now. Crono sighed. "SHANK!" he screamed, lunging forward and shanking the poor old man. Crono danced around his body before tearing out of the court room.

Here endeth the story.


End file.
